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Buffalo Seitan Bites With Vegan Ranch Dressing

Summon The Seitan

In this first part, you will learn to summon your own infernal seitan.
You can make this shit for pennies compared with the store bought brands
Start with a small pile of vital wheat gluten in your summoning bowl
Seitan is very easy to call forth, give in to the temptation!

It starts with some soup broth and salt
You can make this a million different ways.
Add the water a little at a time
In the end it forms slightly wet brains.

The Buffalo sauce carries the taste so don’t go nuts with this, the seitan should be fairly plain.
We’ll go over making other flavors another time, now get your hands dirty.
Massage the water into the protien it should feel like a wet pile of brains mixed with spleen.
Fill up a pot with some broth and some salt. Seitan expands as this spell is cast.

Add enough water to give it a scalding bath
and cover the seitan as it expands, to about twice its sice.
Chop up the clumps and stir the broth with your sacrifical knife.
This is something you make a lot at a time, then store for about a week.

Slice your seitan brains into a few strips. The force inside radiates with unholy might.
Cast the pieces into your bubbling abyss.
That shit was easy, Seitan shall please me,
this takes about 50(min), cover and reduce heat to low

Vegan Ranch Dressing

Now, That seitan is on its way
And you await the arrival
Gather your reagents for this ranch dressing spell

Start with veganaise, onion flakes and onion powder
and some dill and parsley flakes.
White vinegar salt and pepper
and don’t forget the garlic powder.

Scoop some veganaise into a spiked bowl
Add just a bit of the white vinegar
Stir it around to make it liquidy
It should be ranch dressing consistency

Now all you have to do is add the ingredients
Use your best judgement its hard to fuck this up.
Yeah just fucking pour them in, Don’t worry about exactly how much just fucking do it!

Seriously people, just relax and make it happen
You will be blown away by how good this tastes.
Yeahhhhhhhhhhh black pepper
Parsley flakes makes the green specks, we want lots of those

Stir it all around, and put it in the fridge its some kick ass shit
Chill it for later.
In the end it should look like this, a bride for seitan.

Buffalo The Seitan

The end times are near
We are almost ready to feast
Pour some of the broth in a container
Pick the seitan brains out of your pot

You only need to use one or two and a time
Just this amount makes a fuck ton of seitan.
Cut into cubes, or whatever bite sized shape you want.
Heat some canola oil on the stove

Pour in your cubes of seitan and brown thoroughly
This takes some time.
They don’t have to be, charred on each side.
But they should be well browned.

Now you just add some cyanne pepper sauce in this I use Franks Red Hot Thick
Melt in a slab of earth balance or other vegan butter substitute.
I like to add a bit of extra cyanne pepper for some added heat.
When all turnes to liquid the infernal seitan is ready to eat

Butcher the celerery, into short stalks.
Don’t forget to add hair seasoning.
Now is the time. For the secret ingredient
I like to add some fakon bits

In the end when you stuff your face….Fuck
You’ll wonder where this has been all along
Just indulge in the seitanic embrace
Become addicted at veganblackmetalchef.com